ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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