Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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