Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
