Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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