yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
