I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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