Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
