A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
