I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
