Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
