It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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