I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
