And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
