I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
