after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
