Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
