hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
