the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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