i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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