I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
