The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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