So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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