I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The uberlube is also flammable
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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