I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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