I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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