Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
