im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
