i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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