I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
