It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
