I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
