i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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