Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
