I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
