using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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