i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
