He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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