Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
