if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
