Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
