No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
