how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I understand Curling. That high.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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