well I can't set my house on fire every night
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
