so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
