Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
