So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
