I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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