wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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