I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
