he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
