It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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