she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
