i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
