I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
