yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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