Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
