Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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